hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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