yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
