I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
