I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
