so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
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