Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Naked. naked and bneed help.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize