I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
