if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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