Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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