Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
