i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize