just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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