Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Randomize
