The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
i think i just lost a toe
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
