Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
