Please, let me fuck your mom
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
