Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize