i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Man, jail baloney is awful.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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