Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
