guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
