my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize