I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
