WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize