I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
