I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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