My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
You are a genius and a whore.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
