saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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