matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
