please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
