my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
