so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
