dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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