There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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