I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
