he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
We need a shit load of segways right now
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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