Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I'm jealous of your bromance
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
