its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
