You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
