Your face is a jimmy john
If that was your dad, he is hot
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
dude i'm inner monologue high
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
