OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
