Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
