dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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