It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
