sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Can I color on your dick again?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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