Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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