Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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