Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
