Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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