butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
You're a waste of cheezeits
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
