dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
why do cheetos always look like penises
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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