Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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