They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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