I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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