Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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