ya dads aren't the best wingmen
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
