Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
