your room smells of hookers.
And success
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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