you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
