Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
