are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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