The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
