if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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