Fuck appropriateness.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Randomize
