I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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