end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
