Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
