corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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