I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
