After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
