loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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