Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
