There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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