Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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