paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
