Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
