I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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